Our Youth Sport Environment

I'm still getting used to how to use the community portal, and I'm hoping that this post will reach some of my fellow coaches and fellow parents. I am a volunteer coach, a parent of soccer players, a parent of a youth referee and a volunteer SYFS Board Member.

First, some context...I can sometimes be one of those annoying Rule Following Adults. I admit it. I will also admit that sometimes I forget to be gracious to other humans when my Mama Bear Self gets a little heated because someone is yelling at my son, a 14 year-old referee. I am trying to get better at that. And then there are the other youth refs that I know and who are like my nephews....from the team of boys that I just stopped coaching after 6 years, 9 of them are now licensed referees. I feel very protective of them as well, so if I see them being harassed by coaches or spectators, I will not hesitate to ask you to stop.

And now, some observations and musings. This past weekend I witnessed parents aghast that their players were being asked to take off jewelry to play soccer. SFYS communicates rules and guidelines repeatedly, and I cannot help but be shocked that parents of a 4th grade team (presumably most of the players on a 4th grade team have already been playing soccer for at least one season) were incredulous that their players were required to remove jewelry. I know that safety rules can seem trivial and unimportant to some adults, especially if a teenager (the referee) is the one enforcing them. It's not just about your kid. It's about all the kids, and not requiring the youth referee to make a decision about this bracelet versus that bracelet; and of course the bottom line is safety. What happens when your kid who is wearing earrings gets hit in the side of the head with a ball? Then would you support the ref in requiring earrings to be removed? I've never heard a parent complain about their player being required to wear shin guards. Not wearing jewelry should be the same! (I check all my players' ears and wrists before they even line up for the referee.)

How are we treating our youth referees? Do you remember your first job? Were you required to take multiple hours of online and field training to get it? Did you get yelled at repeatedly by bystanders or customers when you were doing your best? Did you have people just simply ignore what you had to say? My son, the 14 year-old successfully holding down his first job, helping young kids learn and play soccer safely (not to mention AWAKE on a Saturday morning at 8:00 am, which is a miracle for a teenager), blew his whistle at 7:58 to alert the teams to take the field. Both teams were in "team huddles" with all players seated on the turf, listening to their coach. Do you know how many of those players or coaches moved at my son's whistle? None. Zero. They stayed seated. I was farther away from him and I heard him loud and clear. He waited 45 seconds, blew his whistle a second time and again yelled "take the field!" It was 7:59, right on time. No one moved. He told me later he went ahead and started his watch anyway, good for him. It's hard to interpret this behavior from the teams....was it intentional because the ref is just a kid? Or did they truly not hear him? Coaches should be aware of the time and getting their players on the field before the ref has to ask twice. This is how we keep the games on time for the rest of the day!

In our competitive culture of youth sports today, we have much room for improvement. Statistically, most of our kids aren't going on to the pros, nor even will many of them be good enough to get a college scholarship for a sport. And yet, parents coach kids from the sideline, from the goal line, when they're the STAR. The next time you feel compelled to yell at a referee for a "bad call" or to yell at your kid to "dribble" or "take a shot," I encourage you to take a breath. Why is your kid playing soccer? Is it for fun, to build friendships, to be active, to learn how to work well with others or to develop grit? Or is it so you can relive a childhood dream, make them the best soccer player they can be, ensure they get a college scholarship, or just to get a win? I have a feeling most of us think we just want our kids to have fun. But what messages are we sending when we constantly yell at them while they're playing, in reality only helping them learn how to follow directions (and distracting them from the game), or show them how an adult behaves by yelling at the referee, or tell them that the referee is wrong when he/she is enforcing the rules of the game?

We can do better! Myself included. We have to start by asking what our endgame is for the players. What kind of humans do we want them to grow up to be? I truly believe that we can create a healthier playing environment for our kids. It take us adults to recognize what we are actually doing, what our behavior is, what messages we are sending.

I constantly tell my players that if they grow up to be good humans, and adults who love soccer - or love some other sport - and I had a role to play in that, then I have done my job successfully as a coach.

For a good read, for both coaches and parents, check out this book: Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to Our Kids by John O'Sullivan

If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to seeing some of you on the pitch. Please be kind to your referees and players, no matter their age!

Hazen Sewell