Leading With Confidence Under Pressure

Hey Refs! Ever get caught in a heated moment with a player, coach, or spectator? If you’ve spent any time on the pitch, chances are you’ve been there.

We know it can be hard for a young person to stand up to an adult. But remember: At a soccer match, YOU are the official and YOU are the leader on the field. 

When emotions run high and you find yourself on the receiving end of critical or angry shouting, the best way to regain control is to use your EARs:

Empathy

• Acknowledge their frustration without necessarily agreeing with their point.
  • Try: "I can see you're really upset about this call."

Attention

• Give them a moment of focused listening (briefly).
  • Try: "I hear your concern about the contact of those two players."
    

Respect

• Remain calm and professional to set the tone.
  • Try: "I appreciate you bringing this to me; I will include your concerns in my referee report."

While the EAR method is a great tool for de-escalation, it is not a license for others to mistreat you. If you feel unsafe at any time during a match, you have the authority to walk away. SFYS strictly supports the Referee Abuse Prevention Policy. Your safety and well-being are our top priorities and we have your back.

Published on: 3/24/26